In privately reviewing a recent phonecall from a friend (one of those times when you think over the conversation and wish you’d said different things), I realised that I keep so many things hidden that those who do care don’t have enough information to show their love to me (and us).

So here’s what’s been going on; David and I have been feeling hurt and disappointment recently.

We used to be good friends with P & M. They attend the same church as us, and we live very close to them. M & I had a lot in common, as we both grew up in Christian families and shared the same opinion on many topics. They had their first baby, a girl, soon after we had Aïcha. However, instead of growing closer as we embraced motherhood, M stopped coming by, and when I went to their house, things seemed awkward. Last February, I phoned M to see why she wasn’t pursuing the friendship anymore, and basically she told me that she had other priorities. I persisted in being friendly: I took meals around, I visited, I gave presents, David took his truck around, we invited them for meals (they declined), and nothing improved. Instead the air between us became even cooler. Recently they moved house (further away from us), and they spurned our offer of help. I still see them most Sundays, but we hardly ever talk, and never about anything important. Our girls could have grown up as best friends. I still feel sad that our friendship ended, and I still wonder why. My direct questions to them have remained unanswered, and I can’t help but wonder: “Was it something I said?”

After David’s black 9 weeks at the beginning of this year, which we suffered alone and in silence, David’s parents encouraged us to call them up if we needed help. However, when we recently did call them up to ask for some babysitting help so I could work on the truck with David, it was just too hard. Woodoo came up for a week, but because of his physical deterioration, he really couldn’t help David much in a practical level, but neither could he look after the girls so I could work down in the shed. I guess that this reminds us that we really are on our own, which is what we thought, but we did hope it could be otherwise.

And this week, D from our church called up to see what David was doing (i.e. why hadn’t he been at church regularly for the last couple of months?). David explained his HUGE truck project, something that he is enthusiastic about, the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. When David followed up the conversation with an email asking if D would be interested in seeing the truck if we drove in it to church on Sunday, D’s reply was less than enthusiastic (something about the fact that, yeah, he couldn’t probably find some time to have a quick look). In fact, D’s email was so flat that I felt like asking him to at least feign interest so as to encourage David. I feel hurt for David, as he just wants to share his cool truck with someone else (apart from me).

And I’m feeling a bit sad because my two best friends are moving away (together) to the Sunshine Coast, so I won’t see them as much as I have been able to. :(

And that’s where we’re at.