Misty barked once while I was changing Brioni’s nappy, so I put the baby in the cot and went to investigate.

Normally our dog only barks when people come to the front door. Nobody was at the front door, so I started looking for Misty, who barked again.

She was in the (unused) living room, barking at a snake that had become entangled in some brown packing tape — here’s an excuse not to be too tidy!

The snake was thrashing around, so I yelled at the dog to come away. Then I put the dog and Aïcha (who had wandered out to investigate my shouting) in the baby’s room and shut the door.

As the blokey-bloke neighbour’s car wasn’t in his driveway, I figured it was up to me. (Pumping music begins to swell in background as heroine whips into action.)

I ran outside, grabbed a shovel, then came inside and SMASHED the snake. I carried it to the fireplace’s hearth and also used the sharp end of the shovel to chop through the snake, just in case.

I thank God the dog found the snake, and not DD2!

Last week we had a blue-tongue lizard in the hallway. How are these reptiles getting in?