Lotus flower and lilypads, October 2012

Four months ago, life was comfortable and familiar. If I could go back, I would, but we’re never given that opportunity, so I press on with this new life and in establishing a new level of normalcy for our family.

Four months ago, I had a baby boy. After birthing four daughters, our son was the brightest jewel in my mothering crown. We all adored Elijah, and he responded to our constant attention with smiles and coos.

Four months ago, I also had a husband. David and I co-parented so seamlessly that our I never felt that five children were a burden. Instead, they were a joy to be embraced and indulged, and we chased the fun activities and learning opportunities that would enrich their childhood.

Four months ago, I was learning how to make the most of every opportunity presented to me. I could see — in retrospect — where my selfish attitude had prevented us from having fun, where I had thrown myself a pity party in the belief that it would make me feel better, and where I could grow in love and compassion

Four months ago, I was estranged from family members, and there were others within my family who did not speak to each other. Several had not met Elijah and we still hadn’t gotten around to introducing him to good friends here in Australia.

Four months ago, I was ignorant of sorrow. Sadness and weeping was something that happened in the lives of others. I did not want it to be part of my story, and I thought that we were immune to it. Tragedy happens in the lives of other people, doesn’t it?

Four months ago, I also didn’t know how about compassion and empathy. Elijah’s loss has been a hard lesson to bear, but it is making us all into strong, lovely people.

Four months ago, life was perfect. In retrospect, it always can be. The trick is to recognise it as perfect now and embrace it fully. This is what I now do.