13 September 12
Our outing today took us back to the Brisbane Aquatic Centre at the Sleeman Sports Complex. The girls haven’t been swimming properly since we left New Zealand and loved the opportunity to get underwater again.
It was a fun day, intense with activity, and all five of us played together until we had to exit because swimming classes were scheduled. I liked watching how — in just a few short hours — Delaney progressed from being a toe-dipper to begging to be carried into the deep.
I navigate unfamiliar waters while I chart a new life for our family, and sometimes I am almost drowned by the squalls that blow up out of nowhere. Yet each storm is an opportunity to learn more about myself and how to maintain a righteous frame of mind in the face of opposition.
Most recently, I have been separating myself from my ego in the face of a pile of slander. Initially, I felt outrage at the lies and incredulity at the assumptions and judgements passed. People shouldn’t need to make up stories about what I think, say or do as I provide enough first-hand commentary here!
It’s a blow to discover what people really think, but only as long as my ego is ruling my heart. When I step back from my hurt pride, I can see that no matter what others think about me, I can still provide a loving response to those in my life. In fact, other peoples’ opinions are irrelevant to me unless I let them affect me.
Remembering this truth has given me back the power I abdicated for few stress-filled days. It’s been a relief to consciously separate my ego from my essential being, and then the slander can wash over me with no ill effect.
There is a record that needs to be set straight, however, and I will provide the facts for our children. I no longer feel compelled to correct those who have misunderstood or misinterpreted me — deliberately or not.
There are many stories of women who have created psychological and emotional junctions in their children’s lives upon the exit of a partner or death of a child. I refuse to let Elijah’s death be such a pivotal point in our daughters’ childhoods. Life will continue for them in the way they like it — full of learning opportunities, adventures and friendships. Those who support us will add to this life instead of trying to take it away.