The analogy
18 July 12
There was a man who had a beautiful family — the wife of his youth, four lovely daughters and a beloved baby boy. He cherished his family so much that he gave up his work and devoted himself to caring for them, educating his children through travel. He was passionate about modelling how to be a better person by tackling the ugliness within himself first.
One evening, the man drove off with his baby son in the car. He was taking his boy for a drive to soothe him and put him to sleep. It was the man’s habit to take his son and calm him in the evenings, and this was greatly appreciated by the man’s wife.
Tragically, as the man was driving his car, he suffered a brain aneurysm and lost control of the vehicle, driving straight into a tree. The impact killed his son almost instantaneously, and the man suffered extreme injuries. When emergency staff arrived, they took him to a hospital where he has to recover not only from his physical injuries but also from his emotional ones.
The man’s friends and family are constantly at his side in the hospital, comforting him, encouraging his rehabilitation and willing him to heal from all his injuries. Everyone wants nothing more than to see the man fully restored and reunited with his family.
***
David is in a mental health facility. Although his brain injury on the night of Elijah’s death was chemical rather than physical, our society recognises that people suffering a mental illness are not to be punished for their actions but rather treated and rehabilitated to a well state. A judicial procedure will determine if David’s case is a health issue or a legal one, but those who know David already know the truth.
Like so many others, I have remained ignorant about mental health issues until it screamed at me in the face. Now I am learning compassion and understanding, and this has got to be a good thing.
As I have said before, this path is undeniably set before me, and although it is so painful, I know I do not walk it alone. I also know that I am walking it so that others do not need to — for tragedy happens to other people, which — in this case — just happens to be me.
If I can share with my girls what I am learning, if I can continue to find joy in the moment, if I can look back at my life and say, “yes, this has been a good life!”, then surely I will have learned that the journey should not be judged by the bumps in the road but by the beat of my heart. My heart is still beating, it is still loving, it is still eager for fun and friendship. So I continue.
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1 · Véronique · 19 July 2012, 02:00
One beat at a time, your are so true.
I send all the love I can to you Lauren, David and your beautiful children.
2 · Mary · 19 July 2012, 02:38
Lauren, in all honesty that analogy in the beginning was the very best way to introduce to us what happened. I am so sorry for all of you guys but after reading this I think I am most sorry for David (where before maybe I was judging him). All of your pain will last a lifetime but the guilt and sadness he will feel and have to live with seems almost unbearable.
I wish you all peace in your hearts and minds. He should consider himself extremely lucky to have such a gentle, kind, and devoted soul at his side. You are an amazing woman!
3 · Tracey · 19 July 2012, 05:11
You my dear Lauren are an amazingly strong woman! I found you from another blog during the fund raiser for you and have since read all of your posts. I have felt such joy for you and much sorrow. As with everyone else I don’ t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that what ever it is for you, you will face it with love, dignity and compassion because that is what you are made of. Much love to you and those beautiful girls of yours as you go on this path called life.
4 · Liz · 19 July 2012, 06:03
I, like Tracey, recently came across your blog. Lauren, your love for life & your commitment to live as God desires for you is mesmerizing. The clarity with which you view each experience you encounter & the transaprency of the way you cope with any obstacle is incredible. You are a woman that I strive to be like. To let LOVE always prevail is all my own heart is after. To live purely & with God’s will always in mind. Your journey has changed me. I look forward to continuing along on the jouney with you. I pray for peace for you & your family.
5 · Kim H · 19 July 2012, 06:57
Dear Lauren,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. You are so very, very right with your analogy and people need to see mental health in this light. I hope that message gets through to people ignorant of mental health. My heart aches for all of you xxx
6 · Mel · 19 July 2012, 08:16
Dear Lauren
I get it – I’ve never met you or your family, in fact I’d never even heard of you until a mutual friend shared what had happened, but from the beginning, I got it – not knowing your husband, but looking through your blog, it is blatantly obvious to me that the only contributing factor to this dreadful tragedy was mental illness, and I sincerely hope that the authorities are able to recognise this and that David is able to get the love and support he so desperately needs.
Why do I get it? Because I suffer with a mental health issue that is at times debilitating and paralysing. I KNOW how our mind totally messes around us, makes us believe things that are simply not true, terrifies us…..
Mental illness is just as real as diabetes, asthma…. a broken leg, but we don’t SEE mental illness sometimes, until something like this happens – the more educated people are, the more aware people are, the less shame and stigma attached to mental illness the sooner we can reduce the chances of tragedies like this happening. People need to be abl to recognise these things within themselves so that they can get help BEFORE tragedy occurs.
Many hugs to you, your children and your husband.
7 · Mickey Thies · 19 July 2012, 10:22
Dear Lauren,
Always remember, you with out sin cast the first stone. Take your girls and try to have a wonderful life. I will pray for David.
Mickey
8 · Amanda · 19 July 2012, 10:52
Thank you for sharing this, Lauren. I so admire your honesty and transparency. I pray for you and your family as often as you come to mind.
9 · Tanya · 19 July 2012, 11:51
Yes, I can see that David is the one who is going to suffer the most because mental illness is so ugly and debilitating. he is so blessed to have such an amazing woman by his side, he chose you well and I pray that your family will be able to heal together.
10 · Sophia Grace · 19 July 2012, 12:42
I send all of you a heaping dose of love. I understand mental illness all too well, so I wrap you up in every ounce of good energy you can handle.
If you ever want a stranger to offer you perspective, please let me know. It is difficult to navigate, though illness in this form is more common than most admit. Love to you.
11 · Melissa · 19 July 2012, 13:18
It is so sad that many people are so ignorant to mental illness. Many people who suffer from mental illness are ashamed of it, therefore they never get the treatment they so desperately need.
I suffer from a mental illness and for years I was ashamed, I hid it, I denied it hoping it would go away. It doesn’t its like a looming rain cloud always threatening to downpour and as time goes by the cloud gets bigger and bigger until one day it bursts into something that may never ever be able to be taken back. And typically it always leaves such a deep dark hole we can never fill.
I am now an advocate for mental health. I’ve been stable for the last couple of years, and I am no longer ashamed. My mental illness does not define me just as it does not define anyone else, I struggle everyday to encourage people to erase the stigma of mental illness and encourage those affected by it to seek help.
So much good has come from my illness, I met my husband when he was in medical school, I was afraid when he found out he would run like so many do. He didn’t he stayed, he is now a Psychiatrist and credits me as the reason for his chosen path. I’m so proud of him for helping the ones who many times no one wants to help. He is a great doctor.
Stay strong Lauren, inform yourself, family and friends, help fight stigma so that tragedy happens less and less to loving families.
12 · Liz · 19 July 2012, 13:48
Long time reader but have never commented before…
My heart broke reading your latest news. I watched Elijah’s birth and growth. How he was loved.
I wish you all the power, wisdom, love and peace to walk this path.
13 · Melissa · 19 July 2012, 18:06
Dear Lauren,
Your pain has been on my mind for the past week. I think of you and your family often, and each time I do, I send a prayer to each of you, hoping for a piece of comfort to come.
It must be so difficult to have your loss be so publicly known in such an uncontrolled way. You control what your friends hear and what you write on your blog, but you can’t influence the media, and the countless strangers that hear what happened to your little boy and husband through the media.
I pray that people, all people, learn the beauty in empathy. And I pray that until they do, they keep their judgement away from you and your family.
I wish so deeply for this pain to ease, for you, your beautiful daughters, and your husband. Strength to all of you, through all your days.
And as always and forever, God bless.
14 · Cynthia · 19 July 2012, 19:22
Dear Lauren,
I came here to find informations on unschooling, and found a rare person, not because of your loss, you were so as I can read for so long… I share tears and I send you a lot of love. I wish your way will be full of light soon again and that justice will see what is evident for you.
I’ll come often to take news. Thank you for sharing your sparkling adventures for so long, they will inspire our life.
Warmly,
Cynthia
15 · Pip · 19 July 2012, 20:37
Love and love and love Lauren. To all of you. xxxxx
16 · Ann · 19 July 2012, 20:52
Sweet Lauren, the words are not coming to mind to truly articulate how you have inspired me to lead a better life and not take for granted what I have now. Live each moment, love all around me and cherish my family. So, I send you my love and wish you find peace and a sparkling with your family. xoxoxoxoxo
17 · Nikki · 19 July 2012, 21:30
I am trying so hard not to judge David. I do not think he is a bad person. But he is a very sick person who needs help. And most likely medicine for the rest of his life to stabilize the chemicals in his brain. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Love and light to you and your family. Stand firm.
18 · Ali Workentin · 20 July 2012, 00:47
Lauren, first off hugs to you, the girls and David. Thank you for sharing so openly about David and the issues he is dealing with. I can so identify with mental illness and the tragedies that can come from it. If it not for the grace of God I could be in David’s shoes. Once I am back home on my laptop I will send you my story via Facebook. I have dealt with depression since the early 80’s and it all came to climax (actually twice) first in 1986 when I threatened to kill my children (two boys) and without the love, support and care from a wonderful hubby, good counselor and great friends I could be sitting where David is today. I got my depression under control until 2005 when my mom passed away and then it all came rushing back. I was suicidal off/on for over three years, hospitalized 3 times in less than 2 years and again with all the love and support from family, friends, pastor and counselor I have overcome my depression and am now emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy. I pray the same for David that he can get the treatment/help he needs and your family can be one again.
Hope you have a great day! Love and hugs. Ali
19 · Brisbane Mummy · 20 July 2012, 01:50
@Katie
There is so so many different types of mental illness and the brain is a power thing. Depression, Bi Poloar, Anxiety is all different types of mental illnesses. Why do you think so many people take their own lives? Cuz they cant understand or deal with their emotions.
The chemical imbalance in the brain can cause people to hullicinate. hear voices, act completely out the norm.They can be very possesive, they can think they are rock stars the next minute. Most people who have these illnesses are born with it and it can take a tiny thing to start an episode.The first episode usually is in their teens, How do I know this?? Its in my family. I dont suffer from it.
But I have witnessed many times episodes. Medicating helps but mostly people with this ilnness need to be around other people like them so they can understand themselves and they can talk to people who understand how they are and how they arent a freak. But simply someone with an illness. Left untreated isnt healthy, they need to talk, to express and understand and learn how to process things that arent real.
Clearly david had a manic episode. You only have to see the pictures of their carefree life. Mental health and doctors will evaluate his state of mind. They can see right thru people who are truly ill and those looking for a get out of jail card. For those in a manic state, its relief for them to get help. Keep reading about mental illness Lauren, Ive been drawn to your website and I feel this is why.
I hope you have made a claim with the QLD Criminal Comphensation for yourself and your daughters, that way you can get special councelling, there is support groups for families of Mental Illnesses. Even put the money away for your children so when they are older, its there if they need help.
For those saying its a cop out to say …. walk a mile in my shoes…. walk a mile in theirs…. See what its like! Do I support what he did? Nope not a single bit… But I do understand he was probably trying to escape his own thoughts, he wouldnt of realised he had elijah with him. That is truly how black and white mental illnesses can be. But understand and learn about mental illness before slandering Lauren, her lifestyle is hers.My family has been hurt many times from this illness.I had to first understand the illness before I could move forward. Its a lifetime illness. There is no cure. But if there is such a cure! Oh plz do share! I couldnt imagine loosing a baby, life certainly isnt fair.
Keep shining Lauren.
You never know how strong you are until its only option…
xxx
20 · Mandy Logan · 20 July 2012, 07:57
I witnessed first hand David’s fathering skills…….Beautiful!!! My prayer is that you will all be re-united AND in the not to distant future! Huge blessings to you, David & the girls xxxx
21 · Natalie · 20 July 2012, 08:00
It is impossible to say your son’s name – Elijah Rainbow – without smiling. So much love. Like all of the readers of your blog, I’ve thought of you and David over the past weeks many times. As parents we all try to be our best versions of ourselves for our children, and clearly you and David both worked hard at doing so for your four girls and your little boy. It is so hard to struggle with an injured mind and I can only imagine the horror for David in trying to get better while he feels such enormous guilt and pain. I’m not sure how you came to be so wise Lauren, but you write so beautifully that you make me believe that the world really can be changed by love. I wish you, and David and your four girls, lots of love.
22 · dontunderstand · 20 July 2012, 14:22
I just don’t understand how an aneurism can be chemical? I’m not being snarky but if this is a mental health matter then it’s a mental health matter, why try to justify it by using words like “brain aneurism”?
This analogy just doesn’t fit.
David had a mental breakdown that caused him to take actions that took away your son, and his son. That is not the same as internal bleeding or swelling.
I have suffered from mental illness for years, and you ALWAYS have a choice to take action before you do something irreparable. David chose to continue down his path, I understand if you choose to support him but do not make excuses. If he truly loved you, your son and himself he would have sought help earlier.
A loving friend that must stay anonymous. xx
23 · dontunderstand · 20 July 2012, 14:43
I understand if you choose to forgive David. But please at least consider that you deserve better, that you, and your children deserve better. You deserve someone that values you and your world above anything and anyone else, including himself and his illness and would never do anything to harm it, let alone end it.
You are worth more Lauren. Elijah deserved better.
24 · Liz from America :) · 20 July 2012, 14:50
I’m a little confused, too.
I know this blog is for your children so this is really none of my business….
Were his actions caused by drug use or by untreated mental health problems? Because there is a difference. Your post seems unclear to me, but maybe you intended it to be so.
I myself have bipolar disorder, so that makes me curious as to what you are saying about him in this post.
Sorry if I’m overstepping my bounds.
Still praying for you a lot and wearing my red bead as the reminder!
25 · Georgina · 20 July 2012, 16:31
Lauren you have been able to create a space on your blog where there is not room for hate, just love,free from judgments and full of compassion, acceptance and honor for people! I know this site is for your children and what amazing qualities you are modeling for them.
Through your writings you are showing so many people that we can live our lives filled with love even in the toughest situations.
At a time in your life where grief and tragedy have entered you are able to talk simultaneously about death, hope, mental illness, love, non judgement, pain, losing your son and joy for the future all at once!! It has shown me that not only I, but we all can live a life filled with love and compassion regardless what happens we can choose a life full of peace and happiness!!! You are modeling this at a time of grief but still so filled with love and with David when it would be so easy to Judge and hate your heart has no room for that. For those who can not understand that and fill there hearts with emotions you admirably leave behind I hope their words don’t discourage you!!!
Keep filling yours, your daughters, david and the rest of the world who you connect with, hearts with those powerful emotions you emulate.
I respect you, admire you and so appreciate your understanding!!!
Thank you for writing and modeling a world full of love and acceptance !!!
Continue to Sparkle !!!!
26 · suzy · 21 July 2012, 02:03
Dearest Lauren, I have been a follower and reader of your blog for ages.
You have all been and will continue to be in my prayers. Your story has touched me so deeply.
Your spirit is a shining one and sweet Elijah is not gone, he is still with you all in so many ways.
You are so strong and such an inspiration.
God Bless
suzy
xx
27 · Ros · 21 July 2012, 02:21
Sending more love to you and your family. Thank you for the love you have shown through opening your heart to us all.
28 · abba12 · 21 July 2012, 08:34
Hi
We’ve met in passing, and have a mutual friend. I’ve followed your blog on and off, but have been coming back regularly since the tragedy.
My heart aches for you, mental illness is such a dificult diagnosis and cause to work through. The emotions David will feel as he tries to heal, the confusion of not having a reason, the contradiction of him being at fault while, at the same time, him aching for what happened. It’s not easy, I know that first hand.
While I understand your analogy and what you’re trying to say with it, that it was a physical, chemical problem that led to this, the fact is mental illnesses like this do not develop overnight, and he needed to be strong enough to speak up the first time he thought of harm to anyone (I am sure he would have thought of it, maybe even struggled with it, previously, if this was the first time he ever found himself in a situation dangerous to one of you, then there’s more to it than mental illness) When my husband was unwell with sleep issues, he knew there were certain hours of the day it was unsafe to drive because he would fall asleep at the wheel. If he fell asleep at the wheel and killed our daughter, while he would not be directly at fault for her death, he would be at fault for being in that situation in the first place. A brain problem can happen suddenly without warning, but mental illness does not. He didn’t leave the house that night perfectly normal and fine and safe, and come back with a mental illness. He should not have allowed himself to leave with his son if he was feeling unsafe.
I have suffered severe mental illness my whole life, but was stable for years, until becomming pregnant with my second baby this year. The hormones of pregnancy sent me off the edge again with psychosis and disassociative episodes among other things, but I knew something was wrong and I got help. I was not allowed to be in sole care of my daughter for a couple of months, something that hurts my mummy heart still, but her safety was most important. I had to leave the house for a mental facility for a few crisis days at one point, to keep her safe. I would have rathered be home, but I acted to protect her and my husband. Sometimes I had to put my daughter in her room to keep her safe when I felt an unsafe period coming. Once I almost called the police on myself. The point is, we are not powerless to control ourselves completely. Most mental illness is not a jekyll and hyde experience (and the ones that are should have been noticed long before this tragedy happened) and we have the power to minimise the damage mental illness causes, to restrict our actions for others safety, to control the urges and images that come into our minds, and to seek help when we feel ‘wrong’.
I know he’s hurting and it’s a hard journey, and if he was mentally ill then the death of your son was not, directly, his fault. But many many people suffer mental illness and seek the help they need to protect their families. I know people with severe skitzophrenia who safely raise their families, and I know people with mild depression who neglect their children. It comes down to how hard those people are willing to work to keep their loved ones safe, and how strong they are within themselves, to fight through the effects of mental illness.
I don’t want to sound completely judgmental of David, I do understand how hard it is, because I have been there. A few months ago I was truly at risk of doing exactly what he did, which is why this situation and your family have touched me so deeply and brought out so many emotions in me the past month. But he cannot be free of blame either. He needs support and treatment but he also needs reality and to face what he did wrong, whether it was that night, or inaction before that night. He can’t heal for as long as he is in denial about his role in the events.
I think a better analogy might be of someone who got into a car while taking perscription medications that impaired their mental ability. There was nothing to be ashamed of in taking the perscription, and they did not intend for what happened to happen, and yet, they should not have driven a car in the knowlege their judgment was impaired, it was a tragic mistake. Your husband had to know something was wrong, he may not have understood the full extent but you simply don’t jump to that severe sort of illness without warning. And so, for the sake of our analogy, he didn’t mean to kill anyone, but he was wrong to drive that night.
I’ve linked my email address to this comment, you can disagree with what I’ve said, you have to follow your own journey and heart, but I do actually live in Beenleigh myself, and if you’d like to talk, I’d be happy to talk to you. I do have a rather unique perspective, having been so close to his position myself. Maybe I can offer some comfort or help you understand, I don’t know, I just know I’d be happy to help in any way I can.
29 · Amber · 21 July 2012, 09:34
Lauren,
You show astounding love and strength in your actions and words. Anyone can easily write anything they feel in judgement against you or David, but who are they to? Experience is a priceless thing, it is what we live for. And while this is a grueling, horrific, tragic experience, it is YOUR experience and your families and yours alone. You are staring into the fire of it and choosing love. What greater thing can a person accomplish!? You show the resilance and best of humanity. If other peoples comments hurt you, like you have mentioned in posts, then it saddens me that a person who exudes so much love (you) would not be met with it. It is easy for people to judge or misunderstand and yet you who should feel so much pain, sorrow, anger choose not to judge but seek out love and compassion. I am profoundly touched by your strength. I’m not saying I know the whole story, or by any means understand what you are going through, like I say this is your story, not mine, but I do so greatly admire your grace and the vein of love you are to your children.30 · Melissa · 21 July 2012, 10:06
Keep going Lauren, just one foot in front of the other knowing there are so many people praying for you and your beautiful family.
Take care.
31 · Confused · 21 July 2012, 13:15
I too am struggling to understand what happened. I’ve been trying to withhold judgment without your or David’s side of the story. I know the media distorts things. This analogy is unclear. Was his “brain injury” drug induced? Ongoing depression? Mania? Hallucination? We’re trying to understand. We support you and the girls. We just want to understand WHAT HAPPENED.
And yes, mental illness is a terrible thing with which I and too many of my loved ones are well acquainted. I was even hospitalized myself for a time. But when it involves death, particularly of a child, there’s a rather significant line between mental illness and legal insanity. You don’t want the media to define the story. Very valid. So what IS the story?
32 · suzy · 21 July 2012, 21:31
Just wanted to say that often with mental illness the sufferer is unaware of their state of health.
It is part of the illness itself to be unable to assess yourself properly.
Often mental illness can lead to self medicating in various forms.
Again, as the perspective and rational of the sufferer is altered or compromised they often cannot see what is happening to them.
Sometimes mental illness can be almost impossible for even a family member to spot.
I have a Father who suffers from a serious mental illness and I have suffered from PND so I know that it can be one of the hardest things to identify, seek help for and treat.
33 · Anna · 23 July 2012, 11:20
Dear Lauren
i’ve never commented on a blog before, but your gutsiness, generosity of spirit, and openness/honesty to the point of rawness motivate me. i appreciate this analogy, and your willingness to keep documenting your story as it emerges, as you see it, and as you question it and re-frame it. You are doing what has been referred to in academic circles as ‘sense-making’ – for all of us readers as well as for yourself. With such a tragedy (hope this word doesn’t offend, but rather empowers – think classical references to events beyond one’s control), we all want to try and ‘make sense’, of what on some levels is beyond sensing. Safe travels, spiritual, emotional and physical, and know you have a friend in Tasmania if you are ever down this way!
Sincerely
Anna
34 · Amanda (USA) · 26 July 2012, 06:57
My heart aches for your family. I never understood how mothers could take their children’s lives until I developed Bi-Polar disorder. I never understood how someone could actually commit suicide until my husband attempted it and nearly succeeded over accidentally killing our dog. I was in a facility for 3 days while my husband was in for a week. These are nothing compared to how long David has been and will be. I also understand prescription drug addiction as that was also a part of my husbands illness.
I understand how many very ways mental illness affects a person, either taking drugs you shouldn’t or not taking the ones you should. Either way it really does NOT make a difference as one commenter said since mental illness makes you choose the things that you normally would not. As a parent I love my children with my entire life, yet as a new teenage mom at 18 I would, because of a very hurtful divorce, contemplate driving into a concrete median with myself and my son in the car because it seemed he would be better off than to have to live with the pain his father caused me and thus my son. It was impossible to seperate my son from myself at that time. Thankfully those feelings went away. After each child I had the same feelings come back and after investigating the possibility of Post partum depression I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. There was a pattern and my husband recognized it. I was lucky. I only wish my story was yours instead, that you had a different outcome for David’s choice.
I want to say this to you and to all the Haters as well, David made a choice yes, he had a mental problem that affected his choice, he will have to overcome not only the mental illness but the result as well, of losing your son and your judgement of him as your husband. It was tragic but that’s just it “was”, what matters now is what you and David do now, from here on. You can have happiness again, you can turn this into good. It will be a long road but you will smile again. Please cling to that! If you think this will help you may share it with David or anyone else.
35 · Ashli_Rose · 2 August 2012, 19:35
I have nursed a man who had a diagnosed mental illness. He was an elderly man, who had been hospitalised many times with with mental illness issues. The main one when he was contained after viciously killing his own wife.
Since that awful time he had gone on to live a life that was loving, caring, generous, at times like any one else’s average life. he had a carer that he paid to travel with him, who despite knowing of the horrible thing this man had done whilst in a moment of psychosis caused by his mental illness, his carer vouched he was one of the sweetest, most caring and kind people you could ever meet…
The man’s family had taken time to re-build a relationship with him after the tragedy, but they had forgiven him- i take it once they understood it was an illness that killed their mother, not simply the man.
It is simply a story i share to bring a varied perspective on something that I dont believe anyone can truly judge before they experience it…
36 · jessica · 10 August 2012, 00:31
I too have a mental illness story that involves my husband. I am thankful that although his issue is still somewhat mysterious that he is whole now and I pray wholeness for David. I pray for doctors who understand and have wisdom to see physiological connections that others may have missed. It is just as real as a bone fracture or rupture or any serious medical issue.
37 · Marisa · 15 August 2012, 12:39
For commenters: We don’t have to know all of the nitty gritty details to still be able to offer prayer, empathy, compassion. We don’t need to understand in order to send that vibration of loving energy across the air to the Fisher family.
For Lauren, David and family: I don’t know you, but my prayers and love are there. So much love and light to you all.
38 · Taryn · 23 September 2012, 23:01
Your love, beauty, compassion and gentleness shine a light that causes me to consider my own actions, judgements, deficiencies… Thank you for sharing honestly in your vulnerability.
Much love, hugs and prayers to you all!
39 · Flower Girl · 27 September 2012, 23:16
I have been reading your story and find you and your family amazing. I knew your husband when he was a child in Sydney and my heart goes out to all of you. Stay strong and keep sharing. Your love for everyone is just breath taking and inspirational. I am praying for you all and for David to be healed completely so he can come home.
40 · Clarinda Panapa-Lupi · 21 October 2012, 17:47
Kiaora Lauren,
TAKU AROHANUI ki a koe me ou Whanau, heaps of love to you and your family…
I first remember seeing this Dad lying on the library floor at the Te Ahu Centre with his little baby boy, in Kaitaia N.Z, and there was Mum reading to her beautiful girls…
Then I met you all again in Peria, Fern Flat Road at Tania and Sebastians home, it was not for long… but I got to hold your little boy… he was gorgeous… your house truck amazing…
All our love goes out to you, Dad and the girls… you never know when accidents are going to occur… life is a precious gift and sometimes these gifts are only here for a small time… but with that gift of time they share with us we are better for it…
Our prayers go out to your Man… he should hold no blame or guilt for what has happened, it would only hurt and tarnish the beautiful gift that his son was to him, you and your girls… cherish his life, cherish the memories, live life more richly, more fully, loving and holding one another more dearly… for knowing and having such a precious boy… :)
41 · Ellie · 9 November 2012, 14:47
I am very concerned reading your analogy here. Clearly David was mentally unwell for a long time, it wasn’t just a ‘instant brain injury’. There are numerous videos on YouTube that show David rambling crazy religious stories from years ago. If you can’t see that he is clearly mentally unwell in these videos, indeed if you think that sort of expression is normal or healthy, then I am very concerned for your children.
42 · Erica · 11 November 2012, 18:38
Thanks for writing this Lauren.
Like many people I have spoken with I too have been sending loving, healing vibes to David.
As someone who has attempted suicide twice, the second time being hospitalised for a week (at 15), and who has has brief moments of feeling like throwing my first baby against a wall, or driving off the road into a tree, I get how crazy our brains can be.
My life is for the most past focused on healing and remaining emotionally stable and this has been even more important to me realising I am a role model for my children.
I do not identify with having a mental illness, although I’m sure I could be labeled. Rather I know I have been emotionally abused since birth just like the many generations before me, and many others I know, and I am choosing to end this abuse by honouring and respecting myself and my children.
Am I a threat to my children? I’m 99.99% sure that I’m not, and in fact, my children’s autonomy and chance for living a life of responsible freedom is much greater in my care than most others who would care for them if I was deemed unfit.
I have spoken to many who resonate to some degree with what I have said above and maybe David felt the same.
Elijahs death has affirmed for many the absolute importance of tending to, and nurturing our own emotional wholeness.
Maybe one day David will be able to support and educate people on the importance of this too, and in this way, Elijahs death may help improve the lives of many.
Many, if not most, mental illnesses are the direct or indirect result of shame, guilt, oppression, repression and conditional love that our society is born into. If we can love and accept each other, no matter what, and take full responsibility for our own emotional wholeness, we can reduce the all too common instances of mental illness.
It is not okay to take someone else’s life, and David is responsible for Elijahs death and will have to live with this, and will suffer much more than Elijah. But if we can shine love and acceptance his way, it is much more beneficial than shame and judgement, as these are toxic to all of us.
Much love to you all and may everyone take responsibility for becoming emotionall whole and may we support each other on this journey.
Love to Elijah, and all other people killed or injured as the result of mental illness.
And to anyone who is emotionally unwell- you are loved, you are beautiful, you are not alone. Speak up, seek help. Be responsible for your healing. You are worth it, so is your family. Wholeness is always possible.
xo
43 · Joanne boland · 27 October 2013, 22:22
I love you, <3 jojo