The upcoming unfuneral
2 July 12
Elijah Rainbow’s favourite pastime was watching the life happening around him — especially his sisters at play. His unfuneral will give him another opportunity to do that — just not from an Earthly place.

One of the deficits of our fabulous, fast-paced modern society is that we rarely gather for large-scale, mutual encouragement outside of institutions. In my experience, I have received the most edification away from formal meetings — during casual visits with friends, while sitting side-by-side and watching our children play, or chatting over cups of tea before or after a ceremony or meeting.
So an unfuneral is the opposite of a funeral or a memorial service. It is a simple coming-together of people who would like to spend time together and want to encourage each other in love.
Elijah’s upcoming unfuneral in the park will have no formal elements to it — no speeches or prayers. I desire it to be no more than a glorious day out with the kids — filled with laughter, reconciliation, joy and LIFE! It is an opportunity to sit in the sun, dig in the sand, ride bikes, explore the pathways, climb on play equipment, share a picnic, watch the ducks, meet with friends and make new ones.
I’m looking forward to Elijah’s unfuneral because it will give me the opportunity to catch up with friends who I haven’t seen recently. Our girls are eagerly anticipating the unfuneral as a party in the park with lots of friends.
I hope to receive hugs from friends with whom I’ve shared emotional intimacy over months and years — both in the flesh and online — and yet don’t feel obligated to come if it’s not your thing or there’s a calendar conflict. When the time is right, we can meet at a later date.
If you do come, I hope you’ll chat with the parent next to you as you push your child on the swing; I hope you’ll share your snacks with the children who gather around. I desire for everyone to remember that relationships are made and reinforced through spending time together, and that the sooner we learn to be friendly and make friends outside the the institutions of church, school and employment, the sooner our world will be a better place for our children’s sake.
We’ll be at Doug Larsen Park — locally known as Duck Park — in Beenleigh on Saturday at 11ish. (Those who know me understand that I don’t wear a watch and try to never guarantee an arrival time — or day!) The park is huge, with several different play sections, and I’ll just be following our girls about as they chase the joy of the moment. You should be able to find me — I’m in red.
1 · Colleen · 2 July 2012, 22:44
I’m in WA, but will be thinking of you and your girls, and have been constantly. Your blog has given me insight to attempt to learn not to judge. How I yearn to be as tolerant and loving as yourself.
Always remembering your Rainbow Baby Elijah.
2 · Kathleen · 2 July 2012, 22:48
Sounds like such a lovely way to celebrate Elijah’s life, Lauren! Wish we weren’t a world away. Will be with you in spirit.
3 · Amanda · 2 July 2012, 22:59
Oh how I would love to be there Lauren, to give you a hug, to spend this special day with you and your girls, family and friends. Distance prevents that but I will be thinking of you all.
You are so brave. You inspire me. God bless you sweetheart.
4 · India · 2 July 2012, 23:30
My whole family has and will be praying for you, and oh how we wish we could join you at your unfuneral to celebrate the joy of life! We will be wearing red to show our support even if you don’t see it. :) Hugs from Oklahoma and Minnesota and all area between.
5 · Jenifer · 3 July 2012, 00:16
From a world away, here in Idaho USA, we will be wearing red and playing in the park as well, remembering your little rainbow, and remembering to live to the fullest. Thank you for reminding me that relationships don’t follow a schedule. That is something I forget. Thank you for reminding me of hospitality and fellowship.
6 · Tobie Harris · 3 July 2012, 00:31
I will be with you in spirit, from thousands of miles away, sending love for you and your beautiful little girls.
7 · holly · 3 July 2012, 00:50
i wish to be there, I want to be. I am wishing you a day enveloped in Love. Thank you thank you thank you for the reminders daily that this moment is ALL we have. Thank you <3
8 · katia · 3 July 2012, 03:00
I’ll be with you in my mind during this moment in your life.
Sending you and your family lots of love and energy.
We will wear red to show our support.
Many hugs from Belgium,
Katia
9 · Beth · 3 July 2012, 03:38
I will light a candle for you here in Canada and my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your sweet family. Elijah, we remember you.
Peace and blessings, Sister.
10 · Brenda · 3 July 2012, 04:01
What a wonderful idea for this celebration of life. I will be with you all in spirit. You are in my prayers and on my mind daily. God is surely doing a great work in and through you all.
11 · Maddie · 3 July 2012, 04:04
Beautiful, beautiful strong lady, sending much love and positive energy to you. Thinking of you from a great distance.
xxxx
12 · Heidi Jo the Artist · 3 July 2012, 04:39
Will be there in spirit too. Lots of love to you and your family. :)
13 · Kaya · 3 July 2012, 04:45
That is the most uplifting, spirited welcome to an unfuneral I have encountered (actually I have never encountered an unfuneral before :-) ….. Beautiful <3 Lauren I feel so overwhelmingly happy knowing you are on earth spreading such love, joy, connection, community, authenticity, awareness and a sense of the sacred!!!!
14 · Lauren · 3 July 2012, 04:57
So wish I could walk through the park with you and your dear friends on Elijah’s special day. Know that here, in South Carolina, USA – there will be a dread sister wearing red and making new friends in Elijah’s honor.
15 · Kelly-Matt-Clark · 3 July 2012, 06:40
From Oregon, USA: we will be at our niece’s birthday, decked out in red for Elijah. Our hearts, especially mine as a new-ish mama, feels my heartstrings pull as we have read the last few updates. Please know that we are keeping the girls, you, and David in our thoughts— sending love, warmth, and hope.
16 · Ariane · 3 July 2012, 07:03
Lauren, I wish we could be there to share time with you, but the distance from Canada is too great to be there in person. But please know that we have been thinking of you, Elijah, and your girls every day this last week, and have been wearing red or rainbows in memory of Elijah. On Saturday, we will all wear red in memory of him, and will make sure we really appreciate our interactions and time spent with others on that day. I will be praying every moment that Saturday brings the celebration and healing that you and your daughters need. Much love.
17 · Emma · 3 July 2012, 07:17
Oh my- I have just been introduced to your blog through learning of your terrible, terrible loss. Having read back through the entries I am inspired by your spirit and humbled by the bravery with which you face your current situation. I don’t know how the loss of your husband and son came about, but I know from what I have read that you will bring yourself and your girls through this unimaginably difficult time. I am in the UK but my boys and I will be wearing red and thinking of you on Saturday.
Love and strength be with you.
x
18 · Holly Sortman · 3 July 2012, 08:16
Will be with you in thought and spirit. Thinking of you everyday, Lauren!
19 · Carolyn · 3 July 2012, 08:55
I first found your website when my friend and yours, Sarah M posted asking us to pray for your family. Since then I have shed many tears for you. I love the idea of an unfuneral. That truly is an awesome plan. Sarah will be leaving us tomorrow to head down and be with you. Will look forward to hearing from her how it all goes. God bless you all. My heart and prayers are with you xxx
20 · Nymphtraveller · 3 July 2012, 09:08
My daughter and i will ware red in Elijah’s honour on Saturday
Adelaide girl living in NZ xx
21 · serenity2stroke · 3 July 2012, 09:25
I recently organised the funeral of my beloved mother, we took control right from the beginning. the coffin was lovingly crafted by family and friends who shared the most prcious times while it was built…..what I’m trying to say as we are all searching for ways to take back our decision making power, life (birth) and death (funeral) are the ultimate ways to re-empower ourseves.
Blessings to you Lauren x
22 · naomi · 3 July 2012, 10:07
God willing, and praying wheezes and sneezes have subsided, I will dress my three and me in red, and drive south to join you at the duck park, and unite with you in treasuring all the precious things you’ve mentioned that matter most… With love and prayers, Naomi G. x
23 · Katrina · 3 July 2012, 10:29
We will be with you in spirit. Planning a get together with friends at a park in Whangarei. Our kids will be playing for Elijah’s enjoyment also.
24 · Karisma · 3 July 2012, 10:42
I wish I could be there to hug you in person, alas I will be too far away. Please know that I am with you in spirit, love and prayer each and every day. Big virtual hugs to yo all. Will send a real one along with one of our mutual friends. Love and light.
25 · Madonna Hare · 3 July 2012, 10:50
Lauren, I recently started following your blog and was devastated to hear of your loss. As a mother of two girls I’m truly inspired by your courage and strength during these trying times. Thank you for blessing us with your beautiful writing and inspiring us with your words. We live in Chandler, Arizona and will be thinking of you, your beautiful girls and baby rainbow on Saturday. Sending peace, love and harmony your way from our side of the world! XOXO
26 · Erica Perry · 3 July 2012, 12:22
Dearest Lauren,
This is so beautifully inspiring and I will totally be there in spirit partying along with you all as you celebrate the life of precious Elijah, and connect in love and appreciation with those present both physically and in spirit, whether Earthside or not.
Love, love, love to you and with you as you walk this path, your own way, to your own beat, inspiring others to also find their way back to their hearts, back to love.
So much appreciation for you being you.
Love Erica. x
27 · Cat Penwarn · 3 July 2012, 16:20
Lauren, Your incredible spirit has reached right to my core. I have also just recently come across your blog and have found you and your gorgeous family in my heart and thoughts constantly. I pray for golden light to shine on you all and am sending many healing rainbows from my heart to yours as you tread this journey. All my love and blessings, Cat x
28 · Ann · 3 July 2012, 19:44
Dearest Lauren,
I have been following your blog for about 6 months now and have been in awe of how you raise your beautiful children and love hearing about your sparkling adventures. When I heard the terrible news about Elijah Rainbow this week my heart broke for you and your family. I cannot at all imagine what it is like to lose a precious child but am so inspired by the courage and strength you show and the way you have beautifully written about your feelings. Elijah was such a beautiful beautiful boy and even though I don’t know you or Elijah personally, I feel like a part of your lives by reading your touching story. He will be so missed, I will be thinking of you on Saturday, wear red and play with my children outside in his honour. Sending you so much love xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
29 · Tanya · 3 July 2012, 21:26
i have been obsessing over your blog since hearing about your tragedy…it has deeply affected me. I guess I wanted to try to find an explanation but all I can find is an entire family of beautiful beings, with their ups and downs. I’m praying for you all.
Anyway, you might not be interested, but here is a book you may find helpful called The Path of the Soul After Death…….Rudolf Steiner saw relationships with the dead as the ‘religious attitude of the future’, in the highest sense. Becoming comfortable with thinking and speaking of the dead as concretely as we speak of the living will profoundly affect human activity. To Steiner, the ‘enlivening’ and even the ‘sanctification’ of earthly existence are not merely connected directly with our relationship to death and to the deceased; in fact, that relationship deepens these qualities and makes them possible. Steiner spoke frequently about death and the human soul’s continued existence, as well as about the importance of establishing a new kind of community that unites spiritually active human souls that endure beyond death.
Selg shows how Rudolf Steiner commemorated the dead, the words he chose to use, and his descriptions – sometimes in great detail – of the inner processes involved. The Path of the Soul after Death is an important addition to the body of anthroposophic literature on our relationship on Earth to those who have died. Peter Selg does a great service in gathering and amplifying much of what Steiner had to say on the subject.
30 · Sarah · 3 July 2012, 21:45
Sounds like a great way to celebrate the short life of your sweet son. Looking forward to meeting you all on Saturday. xxoo
31 · Su · 3 July 2012, 23:45
Beautiful! Hugs from New York.
32 · emma · 3 July 2012, 23:50
so sorry for your loss. Its hard to let go but I know myself that to get through hard times. you need to face your anxieties by embracing the horrors. It is a part of life unfortunately, but remember that each experience which we tackle makes us who we are and more aware our soul becomes. Have you tried meditation? It is so good for coping, It gives me the strength and energy to continue when I feel like giving up, also it releases tension and might even help to give you the peace of mind for clear thought and acceptance of the tragedy which has happened
lots of love x
33 · Kathi · 4 July 2012, 01:16
I hope that Elijah’s day is glorious, Lauren. Will be lifting you and your community up in prayer.
Love from Oregon,
Kathi
34 · Liz from America :) · 4 July 2012, 02:53
Last night my husband told me that if we had the money, he would fly me out to attend.
I would give a lot of things to be there.
Praying for you all everyday.
I’m wearing a red bead in one of my dreads in memory of Elijah and as a reminder to pray for you continually.
May you feel the sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in a way like never before.
With love,
Vince and Liz and family xoxoxo
35 · Kim H · 4 July 2012, 05:38
((((Lauren))))xxx
36 · Lori Starks · 4 July 2012, 05:41
We are wearing red this Saturday from miles and miles away here in Louisiana! to show our love and to honor you and yours and of course, sweet Elijah Rainbow! Much love and prayers are being sent up for you, Lauren! Hang in there Mama! You are so loved, so very loved by so very many… thank you for being so lovely and therefore easily loved : )
37 · Natalie · 4 July 2012, 08:26
To Jack, who left an earlier comment questioning Lauren’s writing about her loss, I’m sure you didn’t intend to cause any further pain to a family already struggling with loss. I also used to feel that there was only one type of grief – an appropriate and dignified quiet way of feeling loss. However recently, through the loss of a father-in-law and a miscarriage, I’ve learned that there is no one type of grief. That grief is a journey full of inappropriate moments and can often be undignified. The one saving grace is often hearing your own voice telling your story as you are propelled and dragged along the journey. To Lauren, thank you for trusting all of us with your story.
38 · Alicia · 4 July 2012, 09:54
I’m one of hundreds (or more) that would love to be there to play with your lovelies and hug you, chat with you, chase red balloons, et cetera :) Have been thinking of you nearly constantly, praying, and so on.
Will connect again. Much Love
~A
39 · Jess · 4 July 2012, 10:25
Lauren, your courage, grace, and commitment to celebrating and living in the way that feels right to you never cease to amaze me. You are a constant inspiration to rethink, and live with love. I’ve been thinking of you day in and day out, wishing you healing and love and clarity.
40 · Laura · 4 July 2012, 12:11
Oh dear friend-from-afar… I pray with confidence asking that you be sustained during this time. That you be given strength, wisdom, much love and gentle patience with your daughters through these turbulent times… I have a beautiful little boy, and each time I look at him, I shall ask the Maker of all to grant you the answers you seek in the time that you need…
41 · Lori · 4 July 2012, 13:03
Dear Lauren: I’m a fellow ica’er who heard of your terrible loss. There are no words, but sending you love and light to sustain you during this dark, dark time. Much love! Lori
42 · Sophia Grace · 4 July 2012, 13:37
I am sending you love.
43 · Tonja · 4 July 2012, 19:02
Aloha Lauren,
For the last two days Ive beem praying for you and when I close my eyes I see your beautiful face and hair and I’m hugging you with all my warmth and love. I send you and your little girls love, rainbows, blessings with all that I am. Much love from over seas but close to you in spirit.
Love, Tonja
44 · Jenni · 5 July 2012, 00:16
The funerals of my grandparents were joyous occasions where we shared stories and laughed til our sides ached – they were full of love and maughter between family and friends who saw eachother often and rarely – a beautiful celebration of life and so needed by those young girls who shouldn’t have to be squashed into a grieving mould by critical judgements from others – i will be with you in spirit, all the way from the UK Lauren, praying for you, your daughters and your son, Jen x
45 · Liz from America :) · 5 July 2012, 01:18
I am 100% affronted that you recent posters would enter such comments on this family’s blog, at such a time as this.
This journey of grief is HER OWN, no one else’s. Each responds in different ways. Maybe the postings and the clothes packing were important steps in her processing her feelings. She is not you. She is her and no one else. We cannot and should not try to rationalize her very personal journey in this time.
Let her be. She is doing nothing wrong.
I’m sorry Lauren if I’m adding to the argument here, I just couldn’t be quiet on this one.
Love….
46 · Lilly · 5 July 2012, 04:02
I agree with many of the previous comments but understand people have different ways of dealing with such tragedies. The whole twitter thing is a bit puzzling.
As for being supervised etc, I would think this would be for the benefit of the mother & the family’s welfare. Eg, in such circumstances, supervision may be required to ensure the family are dealing with the tragedy so no one else comes in harm’s way.
I don’t think it’s about authorities being over the top. I think they’re just trying to look after everyone’s best interests until the full picture has emerged.
As a new reader of this blog, I’m fascinated & my heart aches for you. You write so well & I just want to hug you! But yes it’s all very different. Each to their own. It’s opened my eyes up to a new way of life & makes me try to also see the good in everything & live with the peace & positivity you live with. Xxxx
47 · Natalie · 5 July 2012, 05:23
Dear Lauren. I find it unbelievable that people would leave such nasty, judgemental and ill-informed comments here. They should keep their closed minded attitudes to themselves! That said, I would love to bring my toddler and I along on Saturday out of support, comfort, and honour for Elijah and you all. After reading what you feel about the occasion, I thought you would be OK with that (making new friends, etc) and not think it an invasion of your privacy. Also – to all of your many friends who are unable to make it because they live too far away – I will be your physical representative :) And oh yeah, I will be one of the ones in red too. Much love to you xoxoxo