Assessing the void
25 June 12
I have completed Day Two of a marathon that will likely last a one thousand days. Or ten thousand days.
…Day Two. Just two steps on a walk across the void to the Promised Land. Well, this day is not over yet — I still have to find some rest behind my closed eyelids.

I miss my baby. I miss my husband. And in the busyness of another day of interviews and chores, I don’t have the option to peer into the yawning gap that has suddenly opened in my life.
It was a fairy-tale life. We were living in a beautiful stone palace surrounded by green fields of flowers. Colourful flags flew from the pointed turrets, and the halls echoed with song and laughter.
All of a sudden, the earth shook and a void opened, swallowing our palace, my husband and my son. I am left, standing on the edge of the raw chasm with my arms wrapped around my four beautiful daughters, wondering why my life disappeared so quickly.
The girls are a great example to me. They turn away from the scene of devastation and start to collect wildflowers from the grass. Each bright spot of colour is examined and appreciated.
Enticed by their enthusiasm, I start to look at the flowers. As I do so, my attention moves away from the tragedy that is threatening to swallow me too.
Now we are refugees, walking slowly to a new place to call home. With my children’s help we’ll be stopping to enjoy the flowers on the way.
1 · Tammy W. · 29 June 2012, 04:50
I know we’ve never met, and I was just introduced to your blog this week. I don’t know exactly what happened with your baby, but I ache for you.
I am a fellow pilgrim in this life, knowing that I was, as C.S. Lewis so well worded it, made for a different world. May God’s Word give some glimmer of hope to you in this dark, dark time.
I stumble over words, but yet I could not bare to not comment and leave your raw emotions without response. I admire your courage to record your journey.
2 · Liz from America :) · 29 June 2012, 11:56
and may the flowers along the way be abundant, vivid, beautiful, and filling your life with the fragrant aroma of joy and restoration.
Hugs.
3 · Bec · 30 June 2012, 07:16
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, no words can express what I want to say but i couldn’t not comment. I’m so heart broken for you and you and your family, you will be in my thoughts and deep in my heart darling xxx
4 · Karla · 3 July 2012, 00:49
I just started reading your blog today. My heart is with yours. My tears flow and I wish I could erase the pain…a mother’s pain is real and it runs deep. I am sending you hugs from all the way around the globe. You are not alone.
5 · Dee · 5 July 2012, 07:13
After following your blog since your son’s birth, I am saddened by the news of his passing. May you find strength to get you through and joy with your daughters and memories of your son.