A lost sparkle
21 June 12
Paulo Coelho writes, “How much I missed, simply because I was afraid of missing it.” Today, I was given the opportunity for a sparkling adventure, but I missed my cue and found myself in metaphorical mud instead of enjoying a fun day out with our girls.
I needed to go into the Brisbane city for some important paperwork, and I envisioned myself sailing along sans enfants in and out of public transport and along the city streets I’m very familiar with from my old working days. I knew I could be efficient and have a great day of it, with only Elijah for company on my back.
Then I asked David.
And David asked me to take the four girls too.
This was my cue.
At this moment, I could have decided to make the outing into one grand, sparkling adventure. For our girls, my errand was irrelevant. They were coming for the train ride, the excitement of the city, the hustle, the bustle and the [inevitable] yummy food.
Instead of embracing their presence, I resented it. I kept up a brave face, but in my heart I wished I could have gone to the city by myself.
So we caught the train, wandered around and eventually found ourselves on a bus home again. All without quite enjoying a sparkling adventure.

I had a moment when I looked at the movies playing at the cinema, and I saw that in just ten minutes was the perfect movie that our daughters would enjoy even if it is (cough) by Disney. But I calculated the cost and decided that the money was too much and in doing so sentenced our day to the annals of boredom instead of bringing it up into one sparkling adventure in the city in the girls’ memories.
So I blew it. I lost the sparkle that was given to me today, simply because I felt grumpy and selfish and couldn’t get over myself. I had wanted to enjoy a grand day out and felt that the kids were cramping my style…
And I didn’t even realise what I had done until I came home and reported on the sheer nothingness of our outing. It was only as I articulated the small, brightnesses in the day the girl with candy-pink hair on the bus and the bus-driver who didn’t charge me a fare for our children that I realised I had lost the opportunity.
So today’s gone. But tomorrow will give me another chance.
Sometimes I forget that I don’t have to be travelling in some exotic locality to enjoy a sparkling adventure. Scintillating moments can happen amongst the chores at home, the shade of the back yard trees or under the covers of warm blankets when we’re saying good-night.
Shared moments of joy treasured, captured and documented means that our lives sparkle more in retrospect and the future shines even brighter. I’m going to have to remember to make every day into a sparkling adventure again!
1 · Heather · 22 June 2012, 02:05
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Today I was sitting here lamenting the extra money we spent yesterday to do extra cool things we have never done— like $2 per kid to dip candles among other things. All because money is a bit tight in the bank, even though I know the Lord will provide as He has continued to provide for all of our needs. Seeing your story reminded me of all the times I said no and chose the boring route, and made me grateful for the awesomeness that was yesterday. Thank you.
2 · Jules · 22 June 2012, 05:49
Thank you for that reminder. I find myself lately wishing my day would hold a few things that are not yet happening. I often neglect to enjoy the blessings I have been given today. You have reminded me to look at today as my opportunity. Thank you.
3 · Andrea · 22 June 2012, 23:46
Great post. We could all use a reminder to make every day into a sparkling adventure. Sometimes we forget, get caught up in being selfish. We’re not perfect, but we are mothers blessed with beautiful, intelligent, curious, exhausting children! :)
4 · Liz from America :) · 23 June 2012, 11:06
This is the most beautiful post you have ever written.
A wake up call for me!
Sometimes we get so ‘practical’ that we suck the sparkle out of our days. Guilty here!!
Yes, tomorrow will be a new opportunity. I’m going to do it with you!! Tomorrow we are going into the city to a beautiful art museum, where the outside is as enjoyable as the grand inside. Bringing blankets and food to enjoy the sunshine.
I’m glad I read this post so I can get into sparkle-mode. :-)
5 · NewAgeGranny · 23 June 2012, 11:11
I will be the odd one out and say that it is not a bad thing to be sometimes selfish. Experiences are in every moment of our lives even the day you had – it was still an experience. We need contrast in our life to know what is in fact sparkling and what is not. Be thankful for that experience for it was the lesson you needed to learn :) I would say there is much to be said for rethinking the way we think about ‘selfishness’. If you cannot give to yourself then your giving to others is somewhat false. Just my take on things. Love reading your blog and it has caused me to rethink many things – so thankyou for the lessons.
6 · Virginia · 24 June 2012, 06:19
Hi Lauren,
I have been following your blog for about a year now. We are raising our children somewhat similarly so I like what you have to say.
On your twitter you say -about 6 hours ago “I was so blessed to meet Elijah Rainbow. 26.11.11 – 23.06.12. I love you, little one. Go with God.” What does this mean? I pray to God that all is allright.
Virginia
7 · Erin · 24 June 2012, 11:28
another worried comment from a long time reader, first poster. Praying that all is ok.
8 · Josella · 24 June 2012, 12:48
Another reader, first time posting. Also worried. Am praying for you and your family! (on another note I love your blog, you and your family are an inspiration to me as I am just starting our home educating/unschooling journey)
9 · Erin · 24 June 2012, 13:00
From the articles on news sites i’ve been reading, i think things are far from ok. All my prayers are with you family in this time.
10 · Jax · 24 June 2012, 14:32
Also a long time reader and first time poster.
Lauren, your blog has made me think through many things I do in my life, and the way that we raise our young children. I have always admired you way of seeing that God has a path marked out for us, even though I don’t share the same faith. I hope that you and your family are able to use this faith to bring yourselves through this tragedy. My thoughts are with you and your girls.
11 · Paul & Shelli · 24 June 2012, 18:25
We are shocked by the news just now on TV.
We continue praying for each of you.
May you draw your strength from Jesus, our great Lord.
12 · Mazza · 24 June 2012, 18:25
May ej rest in peace Lauren. Also Lon time reader.
13 · Lynne · 24 June 2012, 18:34
Oh Lauren. I have followed your blog for a few years now. My heart is with yours on this terrible day. Sweet Jesus, be near.
14 · Sarah · 24 June 2012, 18:42
My thoughts and prayers are with u and your beautiful family. May God be your strength, your fortress and fill u with peace. With much love and heart ache,
Sarah Patterson
15 · Peri · 24 June 2012, 19:46
Love and strength.
16 · Kim H · 24 June 2012, 20:16
Dear dear Lauren. My heart is aching for you. I have no words that could possibly comfort you except may the Lord in His Grace and mercy comfort you and your beautiful girls. May you find strength in Him. I would like to dedicate a blog post to you and your gorgeous little baby boy. Would that be OK? If not, I’ll take it down immediately. Not sure what sort of recluse you may be needing right now and I so don’t want to disturd that for you. Thinking of you, Lauren. Shedding many, many tears. Much love Kim xx
17 · Christina · 24 June 2012, 20:22
Dear Lauren, I have followed you for many years and I hope you know our thoughts and hearts are with you and your family in this trying time. May strength, love and hope follow you all the days. Sending you much love xxx
18 · Paula · 24 June 2012, 21:25
my heart is with you all
19 · Sally · 24 June 2012, 22:45
Dear Lauren, I was shocked and saddened watching the news tonight and realizing that tragedy had befallen your beautiful family. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of unimaginable heartache with the loss of your amazing son. xo
20 · Mer · 25 June 2012, 00:31
Hello Lauren,
I am a reader you don’t know. I am so worried and heartbroken for you, your family and Elijah. I keep coming back here again and again today wanting to know it’s somehow OK, wanting to see his pictures, re-reading old posts and wanting to hear that it can’t be true. Just devastated for you.
I doubt you are reading your blog right now but when you do I hope you will have found and continue to receive all the strength, love and support you need.
Love to you.
Mer
21 · Ken · 25 June 2012, 01:15
I was blessed to meet your little Boy here in Waterloo NSW. Rest in Peace Little One. Lauren I am sorry. Many prayers to You and Your beautiful girls….
22 · Virginia · 25 June 2012, 02:26
I see all is not well. I do not know what to say other then my heart breaks for you and your family. I truly cannot fathom your pain. Elijah was such a beautiful baby and is now in the arms of God. In some way may Christ give you what you need and help you to be able to bear this. He is able. My prayers and tears are poured out for you all.
23 · Sarah · 25 June 2012, 05:56
Dear Lauren,you don’t know me but I first found your blog not long before I gave birth. I also freebirthed my little one a few weeks after Elijah and I remember feeling so inspired and your birth story recharged my faith in my body and my baby when people were telling me I couldn’t have the birth I envisioned. My heart sank when I read the news story and realised that it was your little one. My heart is breaking for you right now beautiful mama, I hope that you are surrounded by all the love in the world right now. I’m praying for you with everything I have right now xx