Desperate in the dark
31 January 13
I don’t know how other people cope with the consistent loneliness after losing a partner, especially in the darkest hours of the night. I miss the intimacy of conversations in bed, touching base throughout the day, analysing my thoughts and feelings with someone who understands me and sharing space with a loving man.
I don’t usually give much time to shallow conversations. In real life, I share as freely and honestly as I do online — well, more, really, because there are concepts and actions that I chose not to record publicly. So the friends I meet up with in our travels soon know me well, and my vulnerability also offers them an opportunity to share openly.
These friendships and ensuing conversations have recently become inadequate as I feel I have reached a crossroads within myself. I don’t know if I can stay single for years, treading this lonely water indefinitely in the hope of a future with David. Yet I also wonder if there is another person who would even accept me as I am — appreciate my charms and overlook my faults.
I’m interested in hearing from others who have navigated similar waters — who know the feeling of being desperate in the dark. Maybe even someone to call in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. This is me, asking for help. Please be kind.